Posts Tagged ‘passover’

22
Mar

Unleavened Skeins

Written by Sarah. Posted in holiday, knits, that gif post, yarn

Passover is beginning soon. Are you getting prepared? It’s one of the most important Jewish holidays and it’s one of my favorites for these reasons: a) the story is epic, b) the Rugrats made a really good  holiday episode, c) you’re supposed to drink a lot (like, a lot, guys), and d) it’s supposed to be very personal. It’s the story of how our ancestors escaped slavery in Egypt. And when I was a kid, I wanted to be an Egyptologist so the whole Jews building pyramids thing was pretty exciting.

Here’s the story of Passover and my ancestors (I imagine they look like me but with way more epic eye make up).

We were slaves in Egypt. It sucked. Moses came and was all, LET MY PEOPLE GO which is probably the best catchphrase ever. The Pharaoh was all like, “No Way, Jose.” Then the ten plagues happened, yadda yadda yadda.

When the Pharaoh told the Israelites that they were free to leave Egypt, they left as fast as they could. They knew he was kind of a fickle bitch and was constantly changing his mind. Like, one day he would be like, “Guys, this is where I the pyramid should go,” and then halfway through building it, he’d be all, “I think it would actually look better over there. Don’t you think it’d look better over there?” And then they’d have to go and start all over again.

So when the Jews were freed, they hauled ass out of there. They packed up so quickly, they didn’t even wait for their bread dough to rise! That’s why we eat matzah. (Don’t have any idea what the geflite fish is all about. Don’t ask.) My ancestors packed up so quickly that they didn’t even wait to finish all of their WIPs! They just took whatever stash yarn they could carry and GTFO. Moses was all like, “Um, I don’t think you’re going to need a scarf in the desert” but they were all like, “It’s not a scarf, it’s a 10 Commandments cozy. By the way, did anyone pack stitch markers? I left all of my notions in Egypt.”

Then, the whole Egyptian army showed up because the Pharaoh had changed his mind (so predictable, this guy!) and so they were all like chasing the Jews to the sea. My ancestors were like, “Oh crap, I don’t think salt water is very good for wool.” But Moses was all, “Guys, don’t worry. I have a plan.” And, guess what. He OPENED UP THE SEA so everyone would just walk across. I know, crazy right? And when they got to the other side, all of the Egyptians drowned and the day was saved.

And somebody was like, “Hey did anybody bring a map?” and my ancestors were like, “I have a pattern for a nemes. Would that help?” And Moses was all like “OMG WE’RE GONA BE IN THIS DESERT FOREVS.”

The end.

passover

Lion Brand Alpine Wool in Oatmeal

Anyway, the point of this story is that, just as we eat unleavened matzahs to commemorate our ancestors time in Egypt, I will knit with matzah-like yarns to commemorate my ancestors who were probably walking around the desert like, “Are we there yet? I’m hot. Golden donkey? How about a golden sheep? Maybe it can send more yarn.”

This unleavened yarn will probably make you a lot less constipated than matzah.

Happy Passover!

ps. If you stuck it out and read this whole story, you’re a real champ. It was ridiculous but I made myself laugh.

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